The Doctor Is In!

Do you know about Michael Shermer? You should. He is smart and dreamy and I'd totally have his ass baby. Check him out.



And check out the Skeptic's Society at www.skeptic.com. Learn something Foolio!

The Post Has A Hard On For Palin...I Have A Hard On For The Post

Sarah Palin is by far the sexiest, most alluring person to have ever had a serious chance at winning the Vice-Presidency. Though Bush seems like a really funny guy, who would be a great wing man and might just get you laid by a broad reminiscent of a young Sarah Palin. Skin deep judgements are a bad idea.

Here is a good idea. Take a look at all the truly vile shit Sarah Palin is already responsible for after only less than two years as the Govenor of Alaska,where she was elected. I wonder if the people who voted for her there, chowder-headed retards though they may be, will feel abandoned.

Seems that Colbert King of the post has a major problem with Sarah Palin and actually compiled a list of facts of things she has done. Imagine that...actual facts. What a dick! So presumptious. I bet he eats that same hoity toity lettuce as Obama.

"I'm an Alaskan, not an American" was the slogan of the party's founder, Joe Vogler, who also said "I've got no use for America or her damned institutions" and "I won't be buried under their damned flag."

That is a quote from the story and reveals Palin's husband's alignment with a seccession party in Alaska, which she also has ties to. Now, I'm no nationalist, but I'd hate to be in Alaska and have it secceed and then I need a pasport to get back to where I live. What a pain in the ass!

I Hate To Think You're Lying To Yourself

Here's the rub folks: The 2008 Presidential Election is already over. The polls that claim that a vast majority of Americans in the sticks and in the big cities are 'undecided' are total bullshit. For some reason people tend to believe that by waiting until the last moment to decide who they will vote for they will be assured that they have carefully weighed the options and the positions of the candidates and are making the right decision for themselves and their families.

In actuality we are all selfish, inhumane beasts who decided at the top of the proceedings whether we wanted Old Man River or Ob-Diddy as the next PUSA and even if they are waiting, they're not paying attention anyway and wouldn't understand the information they were getting if they tried to find it.

Chances are if you grew up on the east coast or west coast, are not very rich (or are very through entertainment), like to think of yourself as a kind person who cares for others and enjoys killing fetuses and watching lesbos lez out, you're going with Obama.

The others...the salt-of-the-Earth Americans who work hard because they aren't smart enough to not work hard, believe in angels, dig family sitcom hour, hate fags, want to save every baby and distrust people who aren't white are going to vote McCain.

It really is as simple as that. Don't believe me? Get out and talk to people. I have and the conversation invariably goes:

Me: So, who are you voting for?
Them: I'm not sure yet.
Me: Oh...seriously though, who are you voting for?
Them: I'm not sure, I'm still weighing the issues.
Me: What issues?
Them: You know, President stuff...
Me: Like the Fed bailout of Fanny Mae and Freddy Mac?
Them: Didn't he die? I didn't think he was funny anyway.
Me: Right. So, I see you make a lot of money, believe in Jesus, and distrust brown people.
Them: Yeah.
Me: So McCain, huh?
Them: Yeah.

And so it goes. Or it goes the other way. The problem with pollsters is that they only ask question one and therefore only hear: "I'm not sure yet." If they took another ten seconds and viciously broke the person down into a social stereotype they'd get the real answer.

Because when it comes to voting, you can guess who someone's up for across a crowded room filled with mustard gas and the screams of dying infants. People wear it on their sleeves. They're just liars.

How Does It Feel To Be Part Of The Problem?

Now, folks...I'm linking you to a FoxNews story. So don't pay attention to the subtext, or you might go blind. Just read the 'facts'.

Long story short, the anti-war organization Code Pink, which consists mainly of mothers of former soldiers, killed soldiers, or people who might one day be soldiers, has been protesting every day since September during operating hours in front of Berkley, CA's Marine Corps Recruitment center.

Most recently they have had a Harry Potter themed protest by telling participants to wear pointy hats and chant Wiccan spells to end the war and gather more supporters.

Does anyone else long for the days of the march on Washington? Bob Dylan and Joan Baez sang a duet of "Chimes of Freedom". Martin Luther King, Jr. stood in front of half a million people and gave the world, "I Have A Dream".

And now, all we have left is hippies and mothers wearing Pink t-shirts, shouting over each other and casting magic spells. I want the war to be over...but these poor misguided Yentas are part of the problem and should all be arrested for obscenity and manslaughter, because all they're really doing is grossing me out and getting more soldiers killed by making the anti-war movement look foolish.

Well done, Code Pink. Well done. Hope you sleep well knowing you've instilled a retroactive regret that women's suffrage ever took place.

Welcome Back Hardon! How I've Missed You Little (read: big) Fella

The recent bane of my penis's existence looked like a Grandmother. No, not my Grandmother! I would have already cut my head off. The Grandmother in question is Dr. Sue Johansen who hosted "Sex Talk" on Oxygen.

Her show of six years is coming to an end. Now I know all your uber-hipsters out there will be devastated. No more late nights watching her show, being repulsed and keeping your trap shut because 'everyone is entitled to a sexuality'.

And yes, I agree, sex is a wondrous thing. But when one of the people in question is a blue haired old spinster palming a huge vibrantly pink rubber cast phallus and explaining just where the taint is, I would prefer that we all had to wear Burkas.

Anyway, here's to you, creepy old Sex-Talk lady. I hope the show whacked up the sex toys with you and you'll have something to do in your free time. Heaven knows you will have no problem locating that darn little lady in the canoe.

Fellas...it's once again safe to whack away!

"Because The World Is Round, It Turns Me On..."

Anyone ever hear of Myanmar? Do you know where it is? Can you find it on a globe? Did you know that a possible 100,000 people may have died and 95% of the country's infrastructure may have been completely demolished this weekend?

So when you're on your way to your Pilate's class in your H3, maybe only smoke one joint today...In Memoriam.

Read the full grizzly details here. Awful stuff.

Pundits Declare The Dem Primary Race Over!

It's not like they've ever been wrong before. I mean...come on!

Read someone else's coverage here...I can't stomach this anymore.




NOTE: Above is the first hit given in a Google image search of 'pundit'. Not exactly what I wanted, but whatever...who doesn't like a little Lohan side-boob?

Everyone's Out To Get You, Motherfucker!

Much to my chagrin and surprise, these chowder-heads are still at it. What do they hope to accomplish, really? Let's say for argument's sake there was a conspiracy and we were to unearth those involved in the U.S. government. How do we know they aren't plants to take the fall?

Patsies perhaps? These people have to be in on the Kennedy assassinations too, right? And MLK? And Area 51 while we're at it?

Conspiracies are conspiracies because they're put into action by really smart people who carry out orders based on the most efficient and cost effective means of executing the ultimate goal while conserving loss and maximizing results...

DOES THAT SOUND LIKE THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT TO YOU?

This is an official Kilroy "Fuck 9/11 Truth" Wednesday. Let's make it a usual thing.

Kids Are So Mature These Days...

After all, it's never too early to get your soul crushed in politics.



Thanks to Sass for the scoop. Although I think she's trying to pop my big blue-bouncy-ball.

Did You Know?

That most of America's children are usually too stoned to play Frisbee? Alright, not most...but six times more than in Great Britain.

It's cool though, they are taking prescribed drugs, so the Pharmaceutical industry, and therefore, politicians are getting their cut and trickling the wealth onto we schmucks like a steady stream of urine.

Find our what the hell I'm talking about here.

Answer To Pastor Hagee and Reverend Wright Quagmire: Oh Yeah, I Gave It A Think...

I know this is late news, but the furor that we all knew was going to rain down like so much glorious burning sulfur finally broke in the past few weeks with regards to what aspect of Barrack Obama's past and present were going to be distasteful, unappealing and downright crazy.

That cloud of burning city-water smelling rock came in the shape of a bombastic, racist black Reverend by the name of Jeremiah Wright. Obama has been taken to task over the last few weeks for his association with a man who, amongst other things, thinks that the U.S. government manufactured the AIDS virus to eliminate the black population.

Now, I don't even know where to begin to with that one...wait, yes I do! Um, hey, fucktard! Remember how the AIDS epidemic began with upper class white homosexuals in New York during the disco era? What was that? A control group?

Anyway, now the seed has been planted that because Obama would have supported such a controversial religious figurehead for so long he is obviously not fit to be the President.

A couple of things right off the bat:

• Wright is a spiritual leader, makes his money through religion, believes in God and the Devil. All of these things make him seem slightly crazy and suspect to me without any of the conspiracy theories.
• Wright's notariaty and truly outspokenly racist comments came after Obama had begun to distance himself. Smell like payback to anyone else?
• Bush takes advice from Pat Robertson. PAT ROBERTSON! Bush takes advice from Pat Robertson! Pat 'scum of the earth' Robertson...Everybody awake?

Which leads me to the point: Politicians always have crazy religious figures in their corners. Nixon had Billy Graham, who can be heard on the greatest hits of the Nixon tapes talking about how much he hates Jews. Always has been, always will be.

Unless we grow up and fix the problem once and for all. Ready friends?

Make it illegal for Religious figures and organizations to support or contribute to politicians during their campaigns, or tax the ever-loving shit out of them for the right to participate in government, just like everyone else.

This is really a non-issue when it comes down to it. But since it has been made an issue, let's do the responsible thing: stop the free ride for religious corporations in this country, or severely curtail the amount of power and influence they are aloud to wield.

And I know what you're thinking. That is not unconstitutional. It is the most constitutional move possible. Let's make a separation of church and state feel like a separation of church and state for once in the history of this country.

You can shout until you're blue in the face that we were formed a Christian nation. But if you really want to stand on ceremony, let's all buy slaves and fuck them, like our greatest national mind and drafter of the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson.

Oh, and if you think this is just an issue for the Dems this election cycle, check out this man, who McCain went after like a lonely schoolgirl at the prom. This is a national problem...and by that I of course mean both parties.

We've Got A New Purpose (and by 'we' I mean 'me')

Hello there, friends. Welcome back, once again, to Kilroy Got Pigeonholed, your one stop outlet for all things rant related. I'm going to be expanding the site to included more than just politics (but no celebrity gossip, I fucking swear!).

But I will be adding random thoughts, essays, articles revolving around all aspects of this American life. Please feel free to add your comments, questions, hate mail to any of the things I say on this site.

Because while it is true that I've only ever been wrong once (read: getting super excited about the release of Spider Man 3) I may, in fact, be wrong on this site from time to time. And oh man, what would I do without you three or four readers to set me straight?

Welcome, welcome, welcome!

The Chips Are Falling...The Greasy Ass Kettle Cooked Kind. You Know What I'm Talking About!

Breaking days of silence and brooding, U.S. Sen. of Virginia and stunning Danny Bonaduce lookalike, Jim Webb finally endorsed a call by fellow Democratic senators to pull most U.S. combat troops out of Iraq by next April.

The chips are falling! Now it's the honorable gentleman from Virginia, the rest of the Democratic senate, the rational U.S. citizens and every Republican with a soul that wants us out of Iraq...oh, and the Iraqi's too, but who's counting?

The Republicans are getting close to pulling off the filibuster (As a form of obstructionism in a congress or other decision making body, a filibuster is an attempt to extend debate upon a proposal in order to delay or completely prevent a vote on its passage) that the Dems could not when the decision to confirm Scalia's nomination to the Supreme court. The Dems need 6 more votes to break the filibuster and commence cloture (look it up yourself).

When they stand up we'll stand down my aching ass! Find out more about where the congress stands here.

Find out more about Danny Bonaduce here. Motherfucker's crazy!

An Open Suggestion To The Candidates and Their Delagates

On my main Google splash page I have a number of very useful widgets that help me get through my day. There are top headlines from the New York Times, The Washington Post, The Guardian UK and Wired News for the techno-weenie in me.

There is also a crossword puzzle from the fine folks over at puzzlerscave.com. It really sets my grey matter on fire in the early morning hours.

The most helpful item, however, is the "How To" section which links from help articles on WikiHow.com.

I ignore most of them, but I thought that one today would be helpful to the newest candidates on their quest for the polished marble and bloody hand prints of the white house. This little suggestion was third down on the list right after "How to crowd surf" and "How to spot fake DVD's".

While those are indeed important, this caught my eye: "How to be humble."

The page suggests various steps in the process. The first five are:

1. Appreciate your talents
2. Understand your limitations
3. Recognize your faults
4. Stop comparing
5. Appreciate the talents of others

These are good thoughts to keep in mind, candidates, as we start rolling towards this empty, hollow sham of an election. And if you can put down the unstrained grain alcohol and high powered black blotter acid long enough to consider the talents of people like Dennis Kucinich and Rudy Giuliani, it will be that much sweeter when you SMOKE THEIR ASSES!

Hooray for humility!

Did Someone Say Caption Contest?

I know those last two posts were a little too serious, so here's something a little more fun. Check out this picture...

...and give me your best caption! E-mail submission to www...

Oh, it doesn't matter because I have no prizes to give and won't even read the captions...but you should thank me!

Because of me you got to see a large inflatable pink penis costume wearing a chain-belt following an utterly confused Republican wearing a suit.

Say thanks!

Harriet Miers Is An Old Blue-Haired Bitch...But What A Badass!

Are you following the Attorney Firing's Scandal? Yes? No? Oh, I can hear what you're saying...it's too confusing...I can't follow it...I'm busy!

You've got some attitude you little prick! I just asked you a question. But you're right. It is rather complicated, and I don't feel like explaining it, so you can learn all about it here.

But, do you remember the ill-fated Harriet Miers? The former white -house cleaning lady (joking) who Bush nominated for the Supreme Court after she sodomized him (lying) with his horse-cock like member (it's just what I've heard).

Well the bitch is back! And...refusing to appear under subpoena before the House Judiciary Committee with regards to her knowledge of the illicit Attorney Firings.

According to Think Progress:

"In a letter sent to House Judiciary Committee chairman John Conyers (D-MI), George Manning, the attorney for former White House Counsel Harriet Miers, said that because of President Bush’s claim of executive privilege, “Ms. Miers will not appear before the comittee or otherwise produce documents or provide testimony as set forth in the Committee’s subpoena.” The Committee has previously warned that if Miers does not comply with the subpoena, she may face contempt of Congress."

Wow! What a hard-ass. But, to be fair...even if she is found in contempt and does go to jail...her boss and lover can just commute her sentence.

What a Country!

Meet Your Candidates! Part I, Section i.

First up, the Incumbent Junior Democratic Senator from Illinois. He's a Kenyan-American and grew up throughout the country and abroad including time in Hawaii and Indonesia. That's right, he's a darkish man...with dark eyes and hair and broad features and...well, black.

Ladies and Gentlemen, you know him, you love him, it's Sen. Barack Hussein Obama! He's cool and articulate...and um, eh-hem, "clean" according to Joe Biden.

And although it was my opinion that Al Sharpton gave a rousing speech at the '04 DNC and was leaps and bounds above the heads of Democratic opponents during that elections primary debates, come on...it's Al Sharpton.

So it's looking like this skinny black man, with a funny name (that the neo-cons wouldn't dare use to compare him to recently departed ass-head Sadam!) is looking like a front runner in the upcoming and ever so far away 08 presidential election!

He is in support of all the things a Democrat should be: a woman's right to choose, gun control, socialized medicine and "New Deal"-like welfare programs.

Learn more about the "Hoosier Daddy" (I'm not kidding) at his official website: here.

FAVORITE THING ABOUT HIM SO FAR:
It's not even really about him. Heard the slogan on the internet:

"Once You Go Black, We're Out Of Iraq"

Sure it's thinly racist and an extension of an ignorant long standing misrepresentation...but it's funny and it's true. It's funny cause it's true!

BEST QUOTE:

"I know that an invasion of Iraq without a clear rationale and without strong international support will only fan the flames of the Middle East, and encourage the worst, rather than best, impulses of the Arab world, and strengthen the recruitment arm of al-Qaeda. I am not opposed to all wars. I'm opposed to dumb wars. You want a fight, President Bush? Let's finish the fight with Bin Laden and al-Qaeda, through effective, coordinated intelligence, and a shutting down of the financial networks that support terrorism, and a homeland security program that involves more than color-coded warnings."

--Remark on His Official Web-Site

MY DREAM TICKET

That's right folks. It's time to give an old evil a
second chance. And it's high time we had a dead
Executive Branch!

Welcome Back!

Dear Kotter,

How I have missed you and your subtlety homo erotic mustache. You're the best teacher I ever had. There's some things I'm dying to tell you about the impending election. It's going to be a hog-fuck of monumental proportions with douche-nozzles galore. We've even got a woman this time who just might win, if the lesbian rumors do not persist. A moment of silence for our fallen sausage-fest! Hipp-Hipp-Horray! Welcome back to Kilroy Got Pigeonholed!

Love,

Belvedere