I Hate To Think You're Lying To Yourself

Here's the rub folks: The 2008 Presidential Election is already over. The polls that claim that a vast majority of Americans in the sticks and in the big cities are 'undecided' are total bullshit. For some reason people tend to believe that by waiting until the last moment to decide who they will vote for they will be assured that they have carefully weighed the options and the positions of the candidates and are making the right decision for themselves and their families.

In actuality we are all selfish, inhumane beasts who decided at the top of the proceedings whether we wanted Old Man River or Ob-Diddy as the next PUSA and even if they are waiting, they're not paying attention anyway and wouldn't understand the information they were getting if they tried to find it.

Chances are if you grew up on the east coast or west coast, are not very rich (or are very through entertainment), like to think of yourself as a kind person who cares for others and enjoys killing fetuses and watching lesbos lez out, you're going with Obama.

The others...the salt-of-the-Earth Americans who work hard because they aren't smart enough to not work hard, believe in angels, dig family sitcom hour, hate fags, want to save every baby and distrust people who aren't white are going to vote McCain.

It really is as simple as that. Don't believe me? Get out and talk to people. I have and the conversation invariably goes:

Me: So, who are you voting for?
Them: I'm not sure yet.
Me: Oh...seriously though, who are you voting for?
Them: I'm not sure, I'm still weighing the issues.
Me: What issues?
Them: You know, President stuff...
Me: Like the Fed bailout of Fanny Mae and Freddy Mac?
Them: Didn't he die? I didn't think he was funny anyway.
Me: Right. So, I see you make a lot of money, believe in Jesus, and distrust brown people.
Them: Yeah.
Me: So McCain, huh?
Them: Yeah.

And so it goes. Or it goes the other way. The problem with pollsters is that they only ask question one and therefore only hear: "I'm not sure yet." If they took another ten seconds and viciously broke the person down into a social stereotype they'd get the real answer.

Because when it comes to voting, you can guess who someone's up for across a crowded room filled with mustard gas and the screams of dying infants. People wear it on their sleeves. They're just liars.