Ann Coulter has long been accused of lesbian vampirism. At least I like to think so. In actuality she is just a plain old, run of the mill white, rich, racist, glory-whore. Hearing a rant of hers used to make my blood boil and my eyes go red. Sometimes I would ejaculate blood involuntarily and vomit ectoplasm after just hearing her name. Needless to say, I had my carpet cleaned often.
But in the shower the other day, something struck me (it's a womb thing). She's kind of a clown. She's really a clown. A sad-faced clown who smells like lindburgher (sic?) cheese and really, really old bacon, but a clown none-the-less.
I don't know about you, but I don't sweat the opinions of clowns. Even an evil clown. I didn't bat an eye during "Vulgar" and had nothing but positivity and love for "Homey" the Clown. I never cared what their opinions or politics were. I didn't mind them being uncouth or vulgar. That's what I loved about them.
So I got to thinking. Maybe, in a sense, I really, really like Ann Coulter. Like, a lot. And as nauseating as that may be, it makes some sense. Stop thinking of Coulter as a Pundit, or Political Analyst. She's not. She's engaged in a never ending performance art piece. And if we qualify it in that way, she's a fucking genius.
I dig genius. So I'm not going to sweat her any more. She's just white noise...window dressing. The people in our country who really affect change don't take her seriously. Why should we? The people who pay any attention to her views and presentation are the same people who spend at least a few hours a day on where Waldo is.
She if you ever run in to Ann Coulter (she haunts the kink bars in New York) do me a favor. Walk right up to her and shake her hand. And tell her you think she's hilarious and adorable. And ask her how long it took to develop her act...and if she does Bar Mitzvahs.
What better to annoy her with?
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