President's Top Advisor And Resident White House Morningstar, Karl Rove, Communes With Dark Prince

Enough said. Go here for an interesting story. Type "Karl Rove" into Google, pick a link, and bask in the rotten carcasses and VD infected menstrual blood that the above man subsists on. Evilness. And not the cool "Black Sabbath" kind.

Tennesee Rupublicans Won't Stand For Uppity Negroes; Incest Still "Pretty Cool" There

CLUSTERFUCK, TN October 25, 2006 -- The GOP Has responded to criticism over a recent attack ad regarding prospective Democratic Congressman Harold Ford with the kind of candor and sensitivity you would expect...absolutely none.

The original attack ad, which basically took subtle (not so subtle) jabs at Ford for being...what do you call that? Oh yeah, BLACK! Was heavily criticized as overtly racist and unfounded.

They also accused Ford in the (recently pulled, despite RNC Chairman Ken Mehlman's claim that it was an independent ad and had nothing to do with him) of laying responsibility of fixing Iraq on Canada, taking money from pornographers, and being SUPER into uber-skanky white chicks.

Some random inbred fuck had this to say: "I knows how them thar Southerners get theirs bees alls in a bonnet when some uppity Negro goes after a Cracker Girl."

By "them thar Southerners" I assume he was referring to himself.

The GOP has replaced this monstrosity with another ad, this one on radio, which features the token deep throated narration and scary noises. They also chose to include rhythmic African drum beats in the background, which has nothing to do with the GOP still attempting to incite and terrorize the South with fear of the black man thereby polarizing the poorest class and forcing them to vote ignorance.

POST SCRIPT:
That last sentence only works 'cause it's opposite day.

NJ Opens Door To Same Sex Marriages; Remaining American Bigots Sure To Cry Tears Of Fury

SOPRANOSLAND, NJ October 26, 2006 -- In a massive blow to the egos of the country's remaining out and out bigots (homophobes) New Jersey's Supreme Court has decided that gay people are afforded the same rights and privileges as every other citizen.

Many who have long heralded homosexuality and the homosexual agenda as a breeding ground for the collapse of the American family are sure to shed a few very, very queer tears at the news.

Leading Conservative Douche bag and Pill-Popper Extraordinaire Rush Limbaugh had this to say: "See this is what I'm talking about. Let Hollywood run their faggy movies and you get a California where queers can sodomize any...Wait, this happened in New Jersey? Well, I'll take a shot in the mouth."

Many of the left, including Radio Host Russ Leiber were overjoyed at the news. "Gays are castigated and bashed in this country. It's strange. It's not as if we have a history of hating a group of people because they were born a certain way."

Mr. Leiber then remembered Slavery, Segregation, Anti-Semitism, Japanese Internment Camps, Women's Suffrage, and unfounded Islamist bigotry. He subsequently had a severe temporal Aneurysm and fell dead.

He will be missed.

Breaking News: President Bush Is SUPER Scarred Of 14 Year Old Girls

WTFSBVille -- October 24, 2006 In a shocking turn today the world has discovered that the secret service doesn't know the difference between a terrorist/enemy combatant/threat and a fourteen year old school girl.

The secret service removed the girl from her school class and interrogated her for fifteen minutes regarding her website which contained a cartoon with the words: "Kill The President" on a certain portion.

A.C.L.U. Legal Analyst Shep Bernburgstein had this to say: "Get the fuck outta here!"

Analysts and Professors from all over the country have stated that it is perfectly legal and in fact necessary for the secret service and homeland security to follow up on these sorts of things in order to prevent assassinations and terrorist attacks.

"I mean, come on! For real. She is totally a terrorist!" Said the girl's schoolyard rival and opponent in the upcoming cheer leading squad captain race, Betsy Thompkins.

Though many think this comment was less motivated by facts then by Betsy's jealousy over her relatively minuscule bosom in comparison to the accused girl's rapidly developing sweater meat.

COMMENTARY:
I understand perfectly that threatening the president, yelling "fire" in a crowded movie theater and telling a stewardess you have a bomb is illegal. But that has real consequences in the present and no one has any way of knowing whether the threat is legitimate.

However, in this case, when the girl was tracked down, and her pony and Orlando Bloom poster laden room was searched, I think it should have been clear to one and all, that she was less a terrorist than maybe just getting her first period. Or...she is, like a lot of us, pissed off with the way of things.

Bat-Shit Televangelist Of The Week

Kerney "MotherFucking" Thomas. Amen, Brother! Amen!

60 Minutes and Leslie Stahl Completely Miss The Point; 60 Minutes The Sexier Of The Two

BLANDLAND, October 23, 2006 -- On Sunday night's 60 Minutes Leslie Stahl, the ever shining bastion of hard-news, filed a piece regarding Nancy Pelosi's uncouth comments about President Bush and The GOP.

The staff at Kilroy Got Pigeonholed would like to be the first to congratulate Stahl, the whole crack reporting team at sixty minutes and other news outlets for not letting partisanship or sensationalism get in the way of the real story.

It is far more important to go after an incumbent Democratic Congresswoman for being uncivil and unfair when going after the GOP for being 'immoral' and 'corrupt' instead of investigating the facts surrounding the corruption and immorality.

Nancy Pelosi is claiming that if she is made Speaker of the House (and third in line for the presidency) she will bring civility back to the Congress.

Firstly: Civility waved by-by to Washington before it was even a District (of Columbia)

Secondly: ....there is no secondly. Civility is about 112th on the list of things that Washington needs to fix right behind the deodorant its hookers use.

Iraq News-Flash: Nine Out Of Ten Iraqis Think Things Are Going To Hell; Also That The Tenth Guy Is An Artard

Wichita, October 15, 2006 -- In recent weeks the Bush administration has been playing a never ending game of hide and go seek, according to many who think.

According to an anonymous White House insider, "It's Bush's favorite game. They play it with each other and with reports from Iraq. It's not the actual 'you go hide and I'll look for you thing' the President just puts his hands in front of his face and thinks everything has disappeared."

Many of the "faggy-lib-hippies" who still think the war was a bad idea point to this unending hide and seek game as the reason the administration is unable to admit any wrong-doing or malfeasance with regards to Iraq.

"Hindsight is 20/20." Said the same WH official. "But it doesn't work if you're a peekaboo junky"

Bat-Shit Televangelist Of The Week

Robert Tilton. And When I say bat-shit...I Mean bat-shit. Scumbagorama.

BREAKING NEWS: P.E.T.A. Is Fucking Goofy!

Direct Quote From Peta's Website, In The Frequently Asked Question Section:

" “What rights should animals have?”

Animals should have the right to equal consideration of their interests. For instance, a dog most certainly has an interest in not having pain inflicted on him or her unnecessarily. We are, therefore, obliged to take that interest into consideration and to respect the dog’s right not to have pain unnecessarily inflicted upon him or her. However, animals don’t always have the same rights as humans because their interests are not always the same as ours, and some rights would be irrelevant to animals. For instance, a dog doesn’t have an interest in voting and, therefore, doesn’t have the right to vote because that right would be as meaningless to a dog as it is to a child." "

I Believe The Word You're Looking For Is: "Whaaaaaaaaa?"

IN OTHER NEWS: Most of the world understands very well that dogs have no interesting in voting, because they...well, don't know what voting is, why it is performed, nor can they identify the individual letters in the word 'voting' because they can't read or write. And that's a good thing, because they would probably think the above PETA statement is a moronic as I do and be writing a very similar blog post.

Here's a Frequently Asked Question for PETA's website: Where on your site is the human geo-sociological issue addressed? (i.e. why is it so bad that animal testing saves human lives and that many people in the world have to slaughter animals to not starve to death) Humans are more important than animals! Deal with it!

POST SCRIPT:
"Whaaaaaa?"

North Korea Detonates Nuclear Weapon, Kim Jong-il Still Worlds Most Underrated Elvis Impersonater

KALAMAZOO, Monday, Oct. 9 - In a move that came as a surprise to anyone who has never ever thought...ever, North Korea detonated a nuclear weapon early Monday morning...or late Sunday night, depending on your point of view and current time zone.

Senior White House officials had this to say: "Fuuuuuu#*!"

Many in the circles of Washington power stopped on a dime at the news and realized suddenly that we are currently fighting a war with a 'country' that has been shown conclusively to have never possessed nuclear (pronounced nucular, I guess...) weapons.

"Evil dooers come in all shapes and sizes." Said President Bush at an early press conference. "But they never have anything dangerous."

He was also quick to remind one and all, "I am the Decider!"

In related news, Sean Hannity is still kind of a douche bag...

POST SCRIPT:
Kim Jong-il is obsessed with all cinema, including western westerns. Maybe we should take another look at "The Man From Laramie" to see if he's running the "beans and saddles" nuclear terrorism playbook.

Bat-Shit Televangelist Of The Week

And the winner is...Peter Popoff. Congrats to the big guy over here. Apologies to the big guy upstairs! You know who you are.

My Monday Morning Commentary (That Was Almost Alliteration, Ain't I Something?)

Ann Coulter has long been accused of lesbian vampirism. At least I like to think so. In actuality she is just a plain old, run of the mill white, rich, racist, glory-whore. Hearing a rant of hers used to make my blood boil and my eyes go red. Sometimes I would ejaculate blood involuntarily and vomit ectoplasm after just hearing her name. Needless to say, I had my carpet cleaned often.

But in the shower the other day, something struck me (it's a womb thing). She's kind of a clown. She's really a clown. A sad-faced clown who smells like lindburgher (sic?) cheese and really, really old bacon, but a clown none-the-less.

I don't know about you, but I don't sweat the opinions of clowns. Even an evil clown. I didn't bat an eye during "Vulgar" and had nothing but positivity and love for "Homey" the Clown. I never cared what their opinions or politics were. I didn't mind them being uncouth or vulgar. That's what I loved about them.

So I got to thinking. Maybe, in a sense, I really, really like Ann Coulter. Like, a lot. And as nauseating as that may be, it makes some sense. Stop thinking of Coulter as a Pundit, or Political Analyst. She's not. She's engaged in a never ending performance art piece. And if we qualify it in that way, she's a fucking genius.

I dig genius. So I'm not going to sweat her any more. She's just white noise...window dressing. The people in our country who really affect change don't take her seriously. Why should we? The people who pay any attention to her views and presentation are the same people who spend at least a few hours a day on where Waldo is.

She if you ever run in to Ann Coulter (she haunts the kink bars in New York) do me a favor. Walk right up to her and shake her hand. And tell her you think she's hilarious and adorable. And ask her how long it took to develop her act...and if she does Bar Mitzvahs.

What better to annoy her with?

Keith Olbermann Sprouts Wings And Ascends To Heaven; Pat Robertson "Really Jealous"

Keith Olbermann ascended in his human form to heaven today. Many on the left have pointed to this as proof that he was Christly and had served his earthly purpose. It has been speculated, however, that it was simply a stunt involving ropes and pulleys devised by the Neo-Cons and the GOP to both swing belief back in the direction of Christian mythology and eliminate Olbermann who has become a rather large thorn in their sides as of late.

It wouldn't be the first time our friends on the right have used some manner of outrageous stunt in a thinly veiled attempt at ousting Olbermann. This tact, however, had been previously under used.

When reached for comment Pope John Paul II had this to say: "HUhhhhuhhhhhhuhhhh?! (sic)" It was only after that that our office recalled he has been dead for some time. Those still living at the Vatican were unavailable to comment at press times.

POST SCRIPT:
Bill O'Reilly once confused a loofa with a falafel (sic) while sexually harassing a former female Fox News producer. Tsssst... When do you suppose "The No Spin Zone: For Sexual Harassers" will be on the shelves?

GOP Makes Mark Foley Engage In Illicit E-Mails With Bob Novak, Foley "Kinda Turned On"...

The GOP is circling the wagons in response to Florida Rep. Representative Mark Foley's recent little boo-boo. Setting partisan-ship and the looming Congressional election aside House Republicans have showed incredible zeal in their efforts to correct the situation and openly expose any and all who attempted to cover up Foley's sexually explicit IM conversations with underage male Congressional pages.

Equally moving is Foley's recent decision to perpetually don a crown of thorns. This has come as a surprise to many who feel that Foley won't be so much martyrd, as forgiven and shuffled into a cushy job at a lobbying firm somewhere. The thorns were especially poignant to one of the underage pages whom Foley had E-molested. "I always heard him talk about his 'thorn.' I never knew it was a whole crown. I just figured he meant he was playing with his co**"

His 'co** indeed.

POST SCRIPT:
W.O.W.!