Bush Speaks To NATO In Strange Code, Sounds Like Adults on Charlie Brown Cartoons

Check out this Washington Post story. The gist of it is that President Bush is committing yet again to extended U.S. military presence in Iraq (i.e. getting the job done).

It's funny that this still seems to be his approach, since he never said "Stay the Course." Nor did anyone on his staff. No one has ever said that ever. Not in the history of humankind. Ever!

But let's see how many clever euphemisms for "Stay the Course" we can find in the above story.

Happy Hunting.

Oh, and by the way...

Bat-Shit Televangelist Of The Week!

If you want your average scumbagness of any old Televangelist mixed with a bizarre interest in asassination of foriegn dignitaries, then look no further than Pat Robertson.

POST SCRIPT:
Did you know his real first name is Marion? Marion! A little queer? Could be!

Michael Richards SERIOUSLY Looses His Shit

Find the TMZ story and his apology here...

POST SCRIPT:

I got nothing!


UPDATE:

Apology On David Letterman.

...So Goes The Nation...I Guess

Hey! I've got a whacky idea for the ultra-Liberals out there. Stop throwing together amateurish documentaries. Seriously. For the love of Krishna! I can't take it anymore. You can chuck a rock and hit a leftist slide show with the same oogy music and tumultuous voice-overs that the conservatives use.

Propaganda is an awesome way to do nothing but loose credibility for your ideology with those who disagree and angry up the blood of those who don't.

So, if there's an actual angle to your film and you have more than $250 to spend, by all means, throw something together. But if the working title and plot for your film is "Bush Bites The Big One" leave it well enough alone!

POST SCRIPT:

Using stock footage of interviews with important people and cutting between them from word to word to create a sentence is a dead giveaway. You will never get me to believe that Ann Coulter, Condi Rice, Henry Kissinger and Tom Delay all came together to voice the opinion that: "Bush...Is...A...Nazi...Damnit"

Michael Savage Is A Conservative Nut and Really Likes Drinking Piss

Michael Savage is a de-facto trigger man for the extreme right wing. He hosts a radio program and appears once in a while on...you guessed it, Fox News. He has carved himself out a nice little niche by simultaneously appealing to the Ann Coulter/Laura Ingraham crowd and moderate liberals and libertarians by coining the term 'compassionate conservative.'

Yes, we can thank him for Bush's campaign slogan. And it has turned out to be quite true, has it not? I mean, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting something compassionate a neo-con has accomplished.

But don't be fooled. Savage is radical anti-gay, anti-Muslim, anti-women's rights and, as are many neo-cons....anti-critical thinking. That can be the only explanation for this:

"'Oh, there’s a billion of them (Muslims).' I said, 'So, kill 100 million of them (radicalist Muslims); then there'd be 900 million of them.' I mean...would you rather us die than them?...Would you rather we disappear or we die? Or would you rather they disappear and they die? Because you’re going to have to make that choice sooner rather than later."

Ahhhhh, the subtlety I've grown to expect. Let's hope Savage doesn't hurt his back while he's drawing that line in the sand. He's not nearly as funny as Coulter or Limbaugh. He's one of the ones that seems a little dangerous.

RANTLINGS: ONE

CHRISTIANITY

Like it or not the most overriding divisive issue in this country is Christianity. I say Christianity and not the umbrella term 'Religion' so many feel so safe with because if ever I can remember any aspect of my life in a socio-political sense being effected by a religious philosophy, it has been Christianity.

If you analyze in any serious way the main concerns of our country's collective unconscious you end up with a lengthy list of issues all deriving themselves in one way or another from a Christian point of view.

At the top of that list is the war in Iraq. There has been an endless stream of musings on the topic and many political analysts with undeniably louder bells than mine have weighed in on why we are there or what our strategy should be.

But more and more it seems that things have been broken down. The radical Christians in this country are being threatened by the radical Muslims abroad. Islam is being touted as an inherently violent religion and a danger to the American way of life simply as a result of its existence.

That may be true if we're to call a spade a spade. Perhaps violence and radicalism are ever bound to the Muslim faith and the two simply can not be separated. But if that argument is to be made, it must also be made in the name of Christianity. For no one who knows any history about Christianity or any other religion of the last thousand years can deny that one constant in the struggle for that belief to claim power is the elimination of its competition.

It is looking more and more lately like the war between the West and the Middle-East is the last new crusade. And just another battle between the forces of 'good' and 'good' that will leave the streets stained a shade of crimson.

However, if any of the issues currently facing our country is only abstractly related to Christianity, it is Iraq.

At the forefront of the battle between the Christ-faithful and the seculars are two main issues: The rights of homosexuals and abortion question.

It seems to me that the resistance of our civilization to the introduction of the homosexual as anything but a second class citizen is the last stand in the ever ongoing battle for a Human's individual rights.

No argument has been made with any moxy behind it for a downside to homosexuality as a part of the human condition that wasn't born out of a Christian belief that sexual relationships should only be between a man and a woman.

It seems still, at this point, that a majority of Americans don't want gays afforded the same rights as everyone else. People seem to be fine with voicing that opinion; and to voice it rather loudly with little regard for the positions of others around them.

That makes the homophobic philosophy seem a not-to-distant echo of the opinions voiced in the South during the civil rights movement about blacks, or the opinion's voiced during women's suffrage about the uppity 'second class.' And perhaps it is not too far a leap to think that maybe it is not so much the homosexual part of the equation that leads to the separation, but the fundamentalist Christian one. The Christian one that seems to need some other group to target and to separate and to destroy.

If any issue dividing us, though, is long over due to boil over, it is certainly abortion. And when it comes right down to it the abortion argument is all about trying to agree on what is alive and what is not.

The only criteria I have heard for life in the Christian mind-set is everything. From the moment the sperm meets the egg, it is life. But that begs the question, why do we not have funerals for miscarriages? Why do we not mourn the loss of the 500 million or so sperm in each ejaculation that never reach an egg? Why is a candle not lit for each egg flushed out of a woman's body during her period?

And while these questions may sound patronizing, they are ultimately an illustration of the issue. The real issue that divides us on all the above questions. And that is: What is your tolerable aesthetic moral level? And I do mean aesthetic. Because morals are almost as meaningless as obscenity, vulgarity, profanity and pornography.

They are aesthetic standards because there are no set criteria for them to be judged. And it is always, always pointless to argue an aesthetic moral issue because every one's tolerance level is different; whether you are like me and have a set of morals built on experience or you are a Christian and your morals are derived from the word of your God.

It might not be so bad for everyone to think about that once and a while. And when little things come up like the phrase "In God We Trust" on our money or the section "One Nation Under God" in our pledge, just remember that it is important to know just whose God that means or if it means one at all.

And remember the truly great thing about this country on paper. You know the paper I mean. The one that states that you have no right to impose your God on me, no matter what. It also says, if you look closely, that as long as it doesn't interfere with Government, or my life, I have no right to take your God away from you. Nor would I want to if I could.

There is a balance to be found. There is a path to coexistence. And while I am picking on the Christian's a little, I am also looking at the seculars. There needs to be a little give on both ends. You can't have coexistence without being able to admit you might be wrong. And while agreeing to disagree might not be possible, agreeing to not make any more bombs should be a more than fair middle ground.

War On Christmas 2006!

Remember this?



Guess what time it is kids? I don't know about you, but I'm psyched. Let's all figure out other ways to give the Christian right (who have more than a fair shake in almost every aspect of American life) a harder time this year.

Anybody up for burning a Nativity Scene? No? That has never happened? So where does the war part come in? Do we secular liberals have a game plan? No! We're too busy opening gifts and getting fat on Turkey.

I may not believe that Jesus was born on December, 25 uhhh 0001. But I can certainly sample the rewards. Ain't America grand that way.

The Daily Show Funny Watch: Day Number 2,555

Still Fucking Hilarious!

BREAKING NEWS: Fed's Reach A New Socio-Political Low (I Know, I Was Surprised Too)

According to the new Department of Agriculture's report on American's access to food no one is hungry. That's right. People who have trouble eating, and therefore staying 'alive', are no longer hungry because the term isn't 'scientific' enough.

Henceforth, those Americans who are 'starving' aren't really starving. Wait for it...they have a "very low food security."

"Mark Nord, the lead author of the report, said "hungry" is "not a scientifically accurate term for the specific phenomenon being measured in the food security survey." Nord, a USDA sociologist, said, "We don't have a measure of that condition."

The USDA said that 12 percent of Americans -- 35 million people -- could not put food on the table at least part of last year. Eleven million of them reported going hungry at times. Beginning this year, the USDA has determined "very low food security" to be a more scientifically palatable description for that group."

COMMENTARY:

Call me old fashioned, but maybe it would be more time-effective to not gather a brain-trust to generate a lifeless euphemism for 'hungry' and to find starving people some fucking food. Who gives a shit what would be a more scientifically palatable description.

Mmmmm, bureaucracy. Like a bucket of wet shit in your face.



The Federal Government Lifeless Euphemism Countdown:

1) Then: "Shell Shock" Now: "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder"

2) Then: "American Citizen" Now: "Unlawful Enemy Combatant"

3) Then: "Muslim" Now: "Living Challenged"

4) Then: "Starving" Now: "Very Low Food Security"

5) Now: "Rape Victim" Soon: "Unwilling Semen Recipient"

CNN's Glenn Beck Is A Degenerate Prick!

It's always warm and cuddly to be reminded how tolerant and accepting white, rich, American men can be. Glenn Beck is now the number one douchebag on T.V. Without exception. Go here to find out why. Then...I don't know. Well, yeah...you'll probably need a shower.

POST SCRIPT:

I'm walking away from this post shaking my head in disbelief. Fuck Glenn Beck!

Drunken Frat Boy Sues Borat; Borat Still Thinks Sex Is "Very Niiice!"

PIGBOYLAND, November 13, 2006 -- Justin Seay, 24, one of the many unwitting co-stars of the new film "Borat," is one of two former fraternity members to file suit last week against the comedy's producers and Twentieth Century Fox.

Justin Seay's grandmother was so shocked at the news that she spent an hour beating her 'boy' who does odd-jobs for her around the house. He was only ever referred to as "Boy" and a proper name was never obtained.

A drunken Seay appears in the film with two fellow Chi Psi frat brothers, and the boisterous trio acquits themselves exactly as you'd expect. In the suit, Seay contends that last October the "Borat" crew got him and his pals drunk and encouraged them to engage in "behavior that they otherwise would not have engaged in."

When asked to comment, some other jar headed motherfuckers from the Chi Psi Fraternity said: "WHOOOOOOOOOOO!" Then showed our reporter their asses without being asked to do so. They had been drinking for around thirty-nine hours straight.

The amount being sought in damages in the suit is thus far unknown.


COMMENTARY:

So what? Fuck this guy and all his 'roughneck,' no-brain, meat headed, beer swilling friends. If you drink to excess and perform in front of a camera I have no sympathy for you. Alcohol only ever makes you act more like yourself. And these fucking guys were sub-human.

They weren't physically harmed in any way nor were they debased of their basic human rights. I wonder if this guy has ever 'taken advantage' (i.e. fucked like a pig) a girl while she was drunk and/or otherwise incapacitated. (Answer: of Course). I wonder what she thinks of this suit. Can she still feel his diseased cracker seed running down her thigh? Fuck him!

Bat-Shit Televangelist Of The Week

Franklin Graham. That's right, I said it. I have the utmost respect for the man's father, but Franklin a Billy don't make. I couldn't find anything hardcore to outright prove the man's bat-shit status. But it's out there. You mark my words!

There's Creepy, Then There's Creepy, Then...There's This

Check out the site for this here.

"The Father Daughter Purity Ball is a memorable ceremony for daughters to pledge commitments to purity and their fathers to pledge commitments to protect their girls. Because we cherish our daughters as regal princesses—for 1 Peter 3:4 says they are “precious in the sight of God”—we want to treat them as royalty."

COMMENTARY:

If this ain't the more frightening real life version of "Arrested Developement's" 'MOTHERBOY', I don't know what is. Maybe...maybe this thing is completely innocent. But seriously, why invite the countless (and I mean countless) daddy's little girl jokes? As for that Amy Fisher Photo...Well. How do you think she got to be who she was?

God Hates Funny, Apparently

Movieguide.org is a film review and right-wing conservative opine dumping ground run by Dr.? Ted Baehr. I've been reading it on and off for a while for a good laugh, but check out this review of BORAT. I learned two things from this review and hopefully I can imparte them.

1: I had no idea God was incapable of grasping satire (good to know)

2: Since when did crazy fundamentalist Christians have a problem with anti-semitism.

"plus man feigns gross anti-Semitism to see how many American's will agree with him"

No, no, no. They don't just agree. They up the anti. Shouldn't the question be why do so many American's agree with him? And not just in the movie. Check out the show. Borat lets people be who they are. And most people truly suck!

COMMENTARY:

Jesus-Tapdancing-Christ

(THANKS TO "ALWAYS-RIGHT" Josh FOR THE TIP)

Joseph McCarthy, Bill O'Reilly, Pat Buchanan: Still Evil, After All These Years

Same person? Maybe. Probably, this is just how evil makes you look. Coincidence? I Think Not. No way. No How!

Rumsfeld Resigns As Sec. Of Defense; To Early For A Blood Orgy?

Ding, Dong Donnies Dead. Now, now. Let us not be of such good cheer. This guy, Robert Gates, will likely replace him. He, eh-hem, had a big hand in the Iran-Contra scandal. Meh!

Dems Take Back House and Probably Senate; GOP Licking It's Wounds and Who Knows What Else

MIRACLELAND, November 8, 2006 -- With a majority of landslide victories the Democratic party has taken back the House of Representatives, most Gubernatorial positions and probably the Senate.

Many have sighted the GOP's towering reign of stupidity and malfeasance as the overriding reason for the Democrat's sweep this election day.

Many others moved swiftly past over-thinking the win and straight to calls for the tar and feathering of most of the outgoing Republican politicians.

"By early morning, Democrats had picked up at least 28 seats in the House, leaving them firmly in control. The balance of power in the Senate rested on a knife-edge, with one race in Virginia remained too close to call.

The realignment brought an end to the long-held Republican dream of a permanent majority in Washington.

“We’re going to take a two-year hiatus,” Representative Tom Reynolds, chairman of the National Republican Congressional Committee, told reporters at a morning press briefing."

Many, the staff of Kilroy among them, are on our way to do a little jig on the grave of the former GOP majority.

This included HNIC Belvedere who had this to say: "We will move swiftly on to Washington where we will prepare to hold the new Democratic majority's feet to the fire on every god damn thing. I suggest you do the same!"

IN OTHER NEWS:

Hannity, O'Reilly, Scarborough Still Douche-Bags!

Former KKK Grand Wizard (giggle) Dies In Prison, Remaining Sheeted Clowns Are Real Sad

Samuel H. Bowers, 82, is dead and gone. He served as the truly homo-erotic sounding 'Grand Wizard' of the Ku Klux Klan in the late sixties.

He was convicted of the 1966 bombing death of Vernon Dahmer, who fought for black rights during Mississippi's struggle for racial equality and civil rights. The 1998 trail resulted in a life sentence.

"Earlier trials for Mr. Bowers, including at least two before all-white juries, ended in mistrials. A 1968 jury split 11 to 1 in favor of guilty, and a 1969 jury split 10 to 2 in favor of conviction."

Bowers was responsible for founding the White Knights of the K.K.K. the uber-militant off shoot of the racist, sexist, GAY, GAY, GAY organization that was primarily responsible for the worst of the terrorism during the South's 1960's civil rights movement.

One can only hope that before dying of heart disease Bowers had the supreme honor of being alternately sodomized by two or three five hundred pound black men named Tyree or some variation thereof.

I am not in favor of cruel and unusual punishment, but you got to admit, the irony is supreme.

Saddam Hussein Sentence To Death Today...SO (fuckng) WHAT?!

DENIALVILLE, November 5, 2006 -- Saddam Hussein was sentenced to death by hanging in Iraq today. He was convicted of crimes against humanity for the brutal repression of a Shiite town in the 1980’s.

"As the chief judge read aloud the verdict, a defiant Mr. Hussein shouted, “Long live the people! Long live the Arab nation! Down with the spies!” He thrust his finger emphatically into the air as he spoke, then repeatedly chanted, “God is great!”

The judge, Raouf Rasheed Abdul Rahman, tried to calm Mr. Hussein down. “There’s no point,” Mr. Rahman told him.

The verdict, under Iraqi law, will immediately be submitted to an appellate court, which will begin its review within a month, officials said.

Still, today’s verdict represented a moment of triumph and catharsis for many Iraqis after decades of suffering under Mr. Hussein’s tyrannical rule.

Spontaneous celebrations broke out across Iraq in spite of an around-the-clock curfew imposed on the capital and other regions. People fired pistols and assault rifles into the air in a common gesture of jubilation. Residents of Sadr City, a Shiite bastion in northeastern Baghdad, flooded the streets in defiance of a curfew, whooping and dancing and sounding car horns. Even some Shiite police officers joined in the revelry, firing their weapons in the air."

COMMENTARY: Anybody else not feel any better about the situation? Huh? No one? I didn't fucking think so! It's meaningless at this point. It means nothing. It might, or might not, actually mean anything to Iraqis who were actually terrorized by the man, but they are just seeking revenge.

Is that, now, supposed to make any American's feel any better about how things are going? It doesn't to me. It's just another dead Iraqi. There have been too many already. Yes, I'm going on record! There is no reason to kill Saddam!

Bat-Shit Televangelist Of The Week

Benny Hinn! It's an oldy, but a goody. He's been giving Christians a bad name since before I was born. Kudos!

Henry Kissinger Wishes As He Was Really As Cool As He Was Portrayed By Paul Sorvino

It has been more and more exposed lately, particularly in Bob Woodward's new book, that Henry Kissinger has had a huge hand in helping the Bush White House plan Iraq.

(Former U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger met regularly with Bush and Cheney to offer advice on the War in Iraq. Kissinger confirmed in recorded interviews with Woodward that the advice was the same as he had given in an August 12, 2005 column in the Washington Post: "Victory over the insurgency is the only meaningful exit strategy.")I don't know about you, but I see nothing wrong with that.

It's not as if Kissinger planned some other 'war'. Some war that is almost Universally looked upon as a farce and a tragedy. Some other war that polarized a nation and caused death in our streets to parallel the death abroad. Some other war that started with a "V" and ended in "Ietnam".

If you don't know what I'm getting at, help yourself to a fucking history book!

Here's a quote (no bullshit) from the man himself: "The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer."

Soooooooo not scary. Right?

The Onion Opens A Baptist Church Website...I Guess

Sweet Fancy Moses! We's All Gonna Be Sav-ed! Landover Baptist Church, where the smiting gets done.

Breaking NEWS: Rick Santorum Wants Your Dreams To Come Crashing Down

Rick Santorum hates happiness almost as much as women, Jews and the fact that the 'niggers' have their own television station (apologies to David Cross).

He wants to taste your tears. He wants to be bathed in them. Don't give him the satisfaction.

Tony Snow Has No Catty, Bitchy Ties To Fox News Or The GOP...No, Seriously!

District of Cumfuckmia, October 31, 2006 -- Tony Snow had to be heavily sedated on Friday because of a recent PR feud with Senator John Kerry.

Snow was apparently so hurt by the comments made by Kerry that he had to be coaxed from behind the press-room podium with a lollipop. He had been crying in the fetal position for over thirteen hours.

After his favorite 'banky' had been fetched and his mother had been called in to stroke his hair, he seemed to calm down a bit.

The incident began when Kerry commented about the U.S. currently being "Stuck in Iraq." Everyone who was there and anyone who has a brain knew Kerry was speaking of the Bush Administration and not the troops.

Snow, however, had this to say: "As for the notion that you can say this sort of thing about the troops and say you support them, it's interesting."

Kerry then fired back: "I apologize to no one for my criticism of the president and of his broken policy. I'm not going to be lectured by a stuffed suit White House mouthpiece standing behind a podium."

Snow was too overcome by really, really girly tears to respond. He was still sucking his thumb at press-time.

Bat-Shit Televangelist Of The Week

All Hail! Ernest Angley... I could do these posts every week for the next seventy years and I hope I never run into something as truly reprehensible as this!

Fuck This Man! Fuck Him Every Which-Way Until His Leavings Are Nothing But Bone-Marrow and Blood. This is when shitty televangelism stops being funny and starts being dangerous.

POST SCRIPT: In the above picture, check out this dude's friggin' rug. Muhammad himself would rip on that thing.