Micheal Savage Loves Gay Men!

Damnit! He actually hates them. I'll print a retraction sometime in the future...on page E12.

Senate To Hold Hearing On Violent Movies And Children...Is It April Already?

Because there is nothing better to do, busy-body, handy-capable Senators are preparing to hold committee hearings and issue ANOTHER report vis-a-vis Horror movies and their perceived effect on children.

Perceived effect? Yes, that's what I said. I jumped around articles on this one and have never seen any empirical study showing any correlation between exposure to violent images or salty language and the explosion of children.

That's what it must be. I mean, Congress wouldn't do this little dance once every other fucking year, if it wasn't making kids spontaneously blow-up, right? It's not just to whip up support for their party candidates in the '08 Presidential election, right?

Wrong! That's exactly it. Listen up Congress, every time you whip up this little frenzy over what kids can and cannot see to rub the nipples of your constituents, you drive them right to those evil, evil pleasures. Ask any kid, a CD with a parental advisory sticker is vastly more appealing than one without.

I'd love to get a copy of the love-letter the recording industry sent to the PMRC when their sales spiked.

And round and round we go. I'm off to see Dead Silence!

Glenn Beck Thinks Al Gore Is A Nazi? I Think Glenn Beck Digs Scat Porn...Hmmm.

On the March 22nd edition of CNN Headline News , Glenn Beck allowed Senator James Inhofe, a Republican douche-nozzle from Oklahoma, to completely flip Al Gore's testimony before the Senate Committee on Environment and Public Works.

Beck, a bed wetter until he was 27, classicly likened Gore to Nazi Joseph Goebbels for his statement, during his testimony before the House Committee on Energy and Commerce, that he would initiate a "mass persuasion campaign" to urge Congress to act on the change in climate.

"BECK: It is really -- one of the things in it that I heard yesterday in his testimony that I thought was disturbing was this -- what did he call it? -- a massive persuasion campaign. That sounded a little bit like Goebbels or Gore-bels."

Well, spank me silly.

That makes sense. Hey, you WWII history buffs out there! Remember how after he was done using evil and fictitious propaganda to realign an entire Nation to the belief that an entire race, who are really funny and excellent with money by-the-by, were the source of that nation's strife and first in line for extermination he switched his focus to appearing before congress to rally support for the protection of our natural resources and our life support system itself?

You do? What the shit history books are you reading? This is such a short-cut-to-thinking strategy used by ignorant Pundits on both sides of the isle and it never gets anywhere.

Drawing any parallels between latter-day Politicians and the SS is completely meaningless. Nothing anyone today in America is capable of can hold a candle to the deplorable actions of the ruling German party during the second world war.

POST SCRIPT:

Glenn Beck is a prick and Bush is a Nazi!

Zsa Zsa Gabor's Husband Sues Bill O'Reilly...Is There Anyone He Won't Sexually Harass?

I really promised myself I wouldn't blog about A.N. Smith, because I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror. But this is indirect enough and too laugh inducing to pass up.

According to CNN.com Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband Prince Frederic von Anhalt is suing Fox News and Bill O'Reilly because O'Reilly called him a fraud for claiming he could be the father of A.N.'s baby.

Can you believe how low O'Reilly has sunk? Is there anything he won't do to upset the father's of this, our brave America? How dare he! I honestly didn't think he would stoop so low as to actually comment at all on the affairs of some backwoods white trash piece of shit who nobody should care about and who hasn't deserved any of her exposure.

I couldn't care less about A.N. even if Ann Coulter stood over me spreading her beaver and telling me the only way she wouldn't squat is if I claimed to be in love with A.N. and that her stupid fucking show was my very favorite.

The best thing that bucket of yuck could've done for that kid was buy the farm. O'Reilly and every other talking head should be sued for Obscenity. Because the amount of coverage that jizz-jar has received for nothing at all is the only thing I've ever really found obscene.

Oh, and that Prince guy is asking for $10 million.

BTW: A.N. is Anna Nicole, but I promised myself I would only write it once.

Fox News Douche-Nozzle And Pundit Hannity Is Wrong...Again

Resident Fox artard Sean Hannity has a big problem with Sen. Hillary Clinton. So do I, but I have a good reason. It seems that Seanny-boy takes umbrage to this recent quote from Mrs. Clinton:

"If anybody tells you there is no vast right-wing conspiracy, tell them that New Hampshire has proven it in court. We have the -- we have the facts, and we're going to make that a crime."

Hannity was very, very hurt by the remarks. He is, as we know, a very large part of the vast right-wing conspiracy. As a matter of fact, it's his bread and butter. So the inference that his backward thinking nut ball ideology might soon be a crime was a little to much for him to handle.

"That was Hillary Clinton this morning with some pretty harsh words for conservatives. So, what does her hate speech really mean?" Hannity asked conservative pollster and douche-nozzle runner up Frank Luntz.

Is it really 'hate speech' one might ask? Well, One, no it is not. The 2002 phone-jamming scandal, in which Republicans had an Idaho telecommunications firm tie-up phone lines used by Democratic phone banks, resulted in two Republican operatives' pleading guilty to criminal charges, while a third was tried and convicted.

I often say Sean Hannity is the world's largest douche-nozzle. Is it hate speech? No. Why? because the truth can not be hate speech you douche-nozzle!

FYI: Hannity is responsible for this little nugget prior to the 2006 election:

"This is the moment to say that there are things in life worth fighting and dying for and one of 'em is making sure Nancy Pelosi doesn't become the speaker."

Worth dying for? Kind of sounds like he hates Nancy Pelosi. He was speaking. Hate...speech? What's a douche-nozzle to do?

Fox News: Unfair, Severely Unbalanced and Just Plain Fucking Wierd?

No words...

UPDATE: Roger Ailes, Chairman of Fox News, can now be seen on the sexy, sexy gay pornsight:

Fuckmenwholooklikehounddogsandhavebigjowels.com

News Outlets Drop Ann Coulter Like An Evil, Shrewey, Plastic, VD Ridden Bad Habit

NOSHITSVILLE, MD 11 March 2007 -- In the wake of Ann Coulter's super scary Neo-Con remarks at 2007 the Conservative Political Action Conference the 'conservative' author (plagiarist partisan-hack) has had her weekly column dropped by several print outlets including The Florida Times-Union, The Villages Daily Sun, Antelope Valley Press, The Pasadena Star News and others.

The remarks in question:

"COULTER: Oh, and I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate, John Edwards. But it turns out that you have to go into rehab if you use the word "faggot," so I'm -- so I'm kind of at an impasse, can't really talk about Edwards. So I think I'll just conclude here and take your questions."

The walking Herpes test tube also referred to former Vice President and imminent lady killer Al Gore as a "total fag" during the usual civil discourse on MSNBC's Hardball with Chris Matthews.

Matthews donned an 'Outbreak' suit to avoid direct contact with Coulter or her expelled breath. Coulter, who has at least 457 different Venereal Diseases many of which can only be contracted from Water Buffaloes, left early to have her daily thirty-two shot dose of Penicillin. Matthews remarked that he enjoyed having her on and that she was smart but, "...being smart isn't enough for a civil discourse."

Matthews immediately left the studio and plunged headfirst into a vat containing equal parts Ammonia, Bleach and Lysol where he remained for three days until Doctors confirmed he hadn't been infected by any of Coulter's cooties.

More as it develops...

EDITOR'S NOTE: I have just as much proof that Coulter is a VD farm as she does that either Al Gore or John Edwards are, eh-hem, "Fags." I do, however, have it on good authority that you can brick in her mouth for 25 cents. It's just what I heard...

O'Reilly Calls ACLU "Traitors..." Can't Wait Till He Gets Busted With Oxycontin

Bill O'Reilly thinks the ACLU are "Traitors." Then again, he also confused a 'loofah' with a 'felafel's' (sic) when sexually harassing one of his female producers.

Ahhhh...let the cultural majority and their war bring it the fuck on! I'm not afraid anymore! The fag-lib-hippies are bringing it all back home!

Hey Joe! Where You Goin' With That Apology In Your Hand?

Senator Joe Biden of Delaware is a personal favorite of mine. He is level-headed, concise and seemingly honest. He has long been criticized for being a fuck-what-is-long-winded. But you know what? Sometimes, important things take some time to say. Not everything is a talking point.

I was really pulling for the guy in 08. And he was the eighth Democrat to officially throw his hat into the ring for the Presidency today. And then this happened. Now, I think it's pretty clear that he was misinterpreted, but...and God Damnit Joe! Hire someone to make your comments idiot proof. You know how these things can get!

My ticket of choice at this point it Edwards/Obama. But who am I really?

Bat-Shit Televangelist Of The Week

Jerry-Fucking-Falwell. I have heard that since the Supreme Court Hearing that made Larry Flynt a 1st Amendment Hero, that he and Falwell have become friends. I don't know if that makes this guy better or worse. Oh, wait. Now I remember what he said after 9/11. Yeah, fuck him either way.

Ladies and Gents...you're Bat-Shit Televangelist of the DECADE!!!

Where Have All The Bamboo Cages and Water Torturers Gone?

Jon Stewart let us all down. It pains me to say it as much as anyone else. But he made John McCain seem something close to human.

McCain cozied up to all us twenty-somethings and created a vision of a moderate, feeling, thinking human-being simply because he was in the position to create one. Now he has hoped on the Bullshit express and decided to ride it all the way to Liberty University and the 2008 GOP Whitehouse.

Check this article out if you find my rage displaced.

Shame on you Jon Stewart! Shame! Sham... Oh, I can't stay mad at you... That face just melts my heart.

Critical Analysis Of New Iraq Strategy: We're Holy Fucked!

MAKEBELIEVETOWN, VA, 6 January 2007 -- Many of the newly seated Democrats in the 110th Congress are crying 'more of the same' as President Bush is making sublte announcements of a "surge" of troops heading to Iraq.

The surge as it stands is rumored to include five additional battalions or roughly 20,000 more troops.

"It's kind of like trying to shove ten pounds of rotten shit into a five pound bag." Said White House Press Secretary Tony Snow. "That was actually one of Bush's best classes at Yale: "Making Shit Fit 101," he continued before most of the correspondents filed out to find a do-it-yourself shock treatment kit.

Bush did his best to assuage the doubts of law-makers and the nation by saying: "I will not commit resources to a strategy that is not working."

People around the country are currently preparing letters of appreciation to be sent to the President. One such letter from 78 year old Daphne Lestrange reads: "Thank you for your remarks. I haven't laughed like that since I was a little girl!"

BREAKING NEWS: Bill O'Reilly Has Become Easier To Make Fun Of Than The Fat Kid In High School Who Wears Dracula Capes

This is old news in most circles, but I just had to take aim at Bill O'Reilly's latest bon mot. His new book "Culture Warrior" is just the latest in his selfless fight in a war that no one has ever heard of or has any concern about. Here is a quote from the Random House synopsis:

"Bill O’Reilly is the very embodiment of the idea of a Culture Warrior—and in this book he lives up to the title brilliantly, with all the brashness and forthrightness at his command. He sees that America is in the midst of a fierce culture war between those who embrace traditional values and those who want to change America into a “secular-progressive” country. This is a conflict that differs in many ways from the usual liberal/conservative divide, but it is no less heated, and the stakes are even higher."

How about that last sentence? The stakes are even higher! There's nothing more important going on right now in our lives than some imagined affront by fag-lib-hippies on "American Values."

Forget about how you feel about Bill O'Reilly politically for a second and just think about how truly conspicuous his tactics are. He just has to break things down to war.

There can be no nuanced debate or meeting of the minds when it comes to things like societal differences. Nor can there be from the extreme right, as can happen with the left (check out the Dali Llama), any sense of conducting yourself however you feel appropriate and staying out of everyone else's business.

I just can not stand it when over payed clowns (i.e. Actors, Sports Stars, Pundits) start really buying there own bullshit. Oh, and Bill, lose the RUG and the windbreaker!

Bush Speaks To NATO In Strange Code, Sounds Like Adults on Charlie Brown Cartoons

Check out this Washington Post story. The gist of it is that President Bush is committing yet again to extended U.S. military presence in Iraq (i.e. getting the job done).

It's funny that this still seems to be his approach, since he never said "Stay the Course." Nor did anyone on his staff. No one has ever said that ever. Not in the history of humankind. Ever!

But let's see how many clever euphemisms for "Stay the Course" we can find in the above story.

Happy Hunting.

Oh, and by the way...

Bat-Shit Televangelist Of The Week!

If you want your average scumbagness of any old Televangelist mixed with a bizarre interest in asassination of foriegn dignitaries, then look no further than Pat Robertson.

POST SCRIPT:
Did you know his real first name is Marion? Marion! A little queer? Could be!

Michael Richards SERIOUSLY Looses His Shit

Find the TMZ story and his apology here...

POST SCRIPT:

I got nothing!


UPDATE:

Apology On David Letterman.

...So Goes The Nation...I Guess

Hey! I've got a whacky idea for the ultra-Liberals out there. Stop throwing together amateurish documentaries. Seriously. For the love of Krishna! I can't take it anymore. You can chuck a rock and hit a leftist slide show with the same oogy music and tumultuous voice-overs that the conservatives use.

Propaganda is an awesome way to do nothing but loose credibility for your ideology with those who disagree and angry up the blood of those who don't.

So, if there's an actual angle to your film and you have more than $250 to spend, by all means, throw something together. But if the working title and plot for your film is "Bush Bites The Big One" leave it well enough alone!

POST SCRIPT:

Using stock footage of interviews with important people and cutting between them from word to word to create a sentence is a dead giveaway. You will never get me to believe that Ann Coulter, Condi Rice, Henry Kissinger and Tom Delay all came together to voice the opinion that: "Bush...Is...A...Nazi...Damnit"

Michael Savage Is A Conservative Nut and Really Likes Drinking Piss

Michael Savage is a de-facto trigger man for the extreme right wing. He hosts a radio program and appears once in a while on...you guessed it, Fox News. He has carved himself out a nice little niche by simultaneously appealing to the Ann Coulter/Laura Ingraham crowd and moderate liberals and libertarians by coining the term 'compassionate conservative.'

Yes, we can thank him for Bush's campaign slogan. And it has turned out to be quite true, has it not? I mean, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting something compassionate a neo-con has accomplished.

But don't be fooled. Savage is radical anti-gay, anti-Muslim, anti-women's rights and, as are many neo-cons....anti-critical thinking. That can be the only explanation for this:

"'Oh, there’s a billion of them (Muslims).' I said, 'So, kill 100 million of them (radicalist Muslims); then there'd be 900 million of them.' I mean...would you rather us die than them?...Would you rather we disappear or we die? Or would you rather they disappear and they die? Because you’re going to have to make that choice sooner rather than later."

Ahhhhh, the subtlety I've grown to expect. Let's hope Savage doesn't hurt his back while he's drawing that line in the sand. He's not nearly as funny as Coulter or Limbaugh. He's one of the ones that seems a little dangerous.

RANTLINGS: ONE

CHRISTIANITY

Like it or not the most overriding divisive issue in this country is Christianity. I say Christianity and not the umbrella term 'Religion' so many feel so safe with because if ever I can remember any aspect of my life in a socio-political sense being effected by a religious philosophy, it has been Christianity.

If you analyze in any serious way the main concerns of our country's collective unconscious you end up with a lengthy list of issues all deriving themselves in one way or another from a Christian point of view.

At the top of that list is the war in Iraq. There has been an endless stream of musings on the topic and many political analysts with undeniably louder bells than mine have weighed in on why we are there or what our strategy should be.

But more and more it seems that things have been broken down. The radical Christians in this country are being threatened by the radical Muslims abroad. Islam is being touted as an inherently violent religion and a danger to the American way of life simply as a result of its existence.

That may be true if we're to call a spade a spade. Perhaps violence and radicalism are ever bound to the Muslim faith and the two simply can not be separated. But if that argument is to be made, it must also be made in the name of Christianity. For no one who knows any history about Christianity or any other religion of the last thousand years can deny that one constant in the struggle for that belief to claim power is the elimination of its competition.

It is looking more and more lately like the war between the West and the Middle-East is the last new crusade. And just another battle between the forces of 'good' and 'good' that will leave the streets stained a shade of crimson.

However, if any of the issues currently facing our country is only abstractly related to Christianity, it is Iraq.

At the forefront of the battle between the Christ-faithful and the seculars are two main issues: The rights of homosexuals and abortion question.

It seems to me that the resistance of our civilization to the introduction of the homosexual as anything but a second class citizen is the last stand in the ever ongoing battle for a Human's individual rights.

No argument has been made with any moxy behind it for a downside to homosexuality as a part of the human condition that wasn't born out of a Christian belief that sexual relationships should only be between a man and a woman.

It seems still, at this point, that a majority of Americans don't want gays afforded the same rights as everyone else. People seem to be fine with voicing that opinion; and to voice it rather loudly with little regard for the positions of others around them.

That makes the homophobic philosophy seem a not-to-distant echo of the opinions voiced in the South during the civil rights movement about blacks, or the opinion's voiced during women's suffrage about the uppity 'second class.' And perhaps it is not too far a leap to think that maybe it is not so much the homosexual part of the equation that leads to the separation, but the fundamentalist Christian one. The Christian one that seems to need some other group to target and to separate and to destroy.

If any issue dividing us, though, is long over due to boil over, it is certainly abortion. And when it comes right down to it the abortion argument is all about trying to agree on what is alive and what is not.

The only criteria I have heard for life in the Christian mind-set is everything. From the moment the sperm meets the egg, it is life. But that begs the question, why do we not have funerals for miscarriages? Why do we not mourn the loss of the 500 million or so sperm in each ejaculation that never reach an egg? Why is a candle not lit for each egg flushed out of a woman's body during her period?

And while these questions may sound patronizing, they are ultimately an illustration of the issue. The real issue that divides us on all the above questions. And that is: What is your tolerable aesthetic moral level? And I do mean aesthetic. Because morals are almost as meaningless as obscenity, vulgarity, profanity and pornography.

They are aesthetic standards because there are no set criteria for them to be judged. And it is always, always pointless to argue an aesthetic moral issue because every one's tolerance level is different; whether you are like me and have a set of morals built on experience or you are a Christian and your morals are derived from the word of your God.

It might not be so bad for everyone to think about that once and a while. And when little things come up like the phrase "In God We Trust" on our money or the section "One Nation Under God" in our pledge, just remember that it is important to know just whose God that means or if it means one at all.

And remember the truly great thing about this country on paper. You know the paper I mean. The one that states that you have no right to impose your God on me, no matter what. It also says, if you look closely, that as long as it doesn't interfere with Government, or my life, I have no right to take your God away from you. Nor would I want to if I could.

There is a balance to be found. There is a path to coexistence. And while I am picking on the Christian's a little, I am also looking at the seculars. There needs to be a little give on both ends. You can't have coexistence without being able to admit you might be wrong. And while agreeing to disagree might not be possible, agreeing to not make any more bombs should be a more than fair middle ground.

War On Christmas 2006!

Remember this?



Guess what time it is kids? I don't know about you, but I'm psyched. Let's all figure out other ways to give the Christian right (who have more than a fair shake in almost every aspect of American life) a harder time this year.

Anybody up for burning a Nativity Scene? No? That has never happened? So where does the war part come in? Do we secular liberals have a game plan? No! We're too busy opening gifts and getting fat on Turkey.

I may not believe that Jesus was born on December, 25 uhhh 0001. But I can certainly sample the rewards. Ain't America grand that way.